Thank You For Breathing Today

Silence can be kind. I’ve been traveling recently with much gratitude for the opportunity to experience movement and see people, places, and things outside my daily routine. The day after Election Day, I boarded a plane to Las Vegas, the greatest place to be in denial.

Two weeks later, I’m arriving into Syracuse with a common cold on a train from Boston and there’s 8 inches of snow on the ground. This is real life. Settling back into life on the East coast, the end of the calendar year approaches. I see a lot of chaos, fear, hope, and possibilities as the new year dawns. With optimism, the beginning of 2017 for my artistic pursuits will start with two shows and an Artist Residency in March. Details soon to follow.

Transitions can be turbulent. Don’t ask me how it all works, because I don’t know…. magic. The Human Condition will always host Fear of some variety during times of change or even not change. And in these times, it is true, there is more to fear than fear itself, BUT, Truth will always be sought.

If you’re searching for some truths to hold on to right now, let me share two of my current favorites:

AND

 

Do your best each day to be kind. Contribute when, where, and how you can to things other than yourself. Take good care of yourself; body, mind, and soul. Practice gratitude. Set goals. Think BIG, think small, think at all. Take action, rest,  and most imporatantly, be.

There are many choices to make each and every day. Now, I’m not telling you how to be, the same way you don’t tell me how to be. I’m encouraging you to keep making your choices, hopefully for the better, and am thanking you for getting out of bed and doing the things you do.And if you didn’t or couldn’t get out of bed today, it’s ok. Thank you for still existing. Thanks for breathing today.

Upstate Autumn

 

If only Fall was a year-round season.

Anxiety.

Art talks. Expression in visual form encourages conversation, silent or out loud. Between artist and medium, medium and audience, and artist and audience, something is communicated.

Day to day, I talk a lot less than Art. Silence creates space for a natural unfolding of time without the confusion of interpretation and meaning of our words, thoughts, and/or actions. Intention, Response, Ego, Esteem (or lack of), caution, carelessness, misinterpretation, language, tone, inflection, posture, delivery, the who, what, where, when, and why of anything creates a consciousness overload daily from moment to moment to moment. You can “Let it Go”, but that doesn’t erase the experience. The discomfort is a combination of compassionate awareness and overthinking. This is known as anxiety.

Kindness, Confidence, Trust, and Meditation soothe anxious distress, minimizing the stress of things that really aren’t that big or important. Honoring dialectics, assuming conscientious personal responsibility for thoughts, actions, and participation in our larger human community while literally questioning everything and making sure to balance attention and concerns of self and other counteracts the fleeting feelings of inner and external peace.

That is what this piece is about- Anxiety.

Anxiety can be like walking on eggshells…watching what you say and do. I think anxiety is much worse than eggshells. Walking on shells, broken, void of life encasings…who cares if they break?

But to walk among butterflies…living creatures that will die and cease to exist with their tsunami effect that may or may not be…that is consequence. That is anxiety. Because anxiety, at least for me, isn’t just embarrassment of breaking something or fear of what someone thinks about it- who cares what people think? The fear is the cause and effect of choice and randomness, action and non-action, and navigating through a life path where all these little things, known and unknown, may or may not effect bigger things, painful things, uncomfortable things that could have been avoided by conscientious mindfulness or general care.

It’s not just what I care about how I am thought of or look like…it’s how what we say and do effects you, me, and the external world around us. It’s deciding what is important, what is relevant, necessary, pleasant, unpleasant, what effects what, and what anything means anyway…

This image reflects that distress of trying to balance the sensitive delicacy of our human existence, our shells, which carry so much potential, life, and being among the fears and anxiety of possibility and consequence that come with naive, ignorant, arrogant, completely random, or even well thought out thought or action.

Blue Version                                                         Gold Version

Halloween This Way Comes…

It’s a little late for selling and promoting these cards this season…but I want to share some Halloween and Fall Greeting Card designs! We may see some for the coming holidays of next year, 2017…

 

There are a few cards available on my Society6 page. If you are interested in sending a little Autumnal Cheer, check it out here

As Far As Inktober Got For me…

 

we shall see if anything else comes along…

Self Portraits and Blind Contouring

I love line. You know the way Oprah says “I. love. bread” on that Weight Watchers commercial….that’s how I feel about Line. (and bread too, but line more.)

 

The two in the upper right hand are truthful blind contour and the bottom and right side drawings are half blind and improvised, my favorite style.

That very first drawing is of my mom, not me.

What I love about blind contour drawings are how The eye becomes an explorer, a traveler, a tourist, highly focused on observing literally what is there in front of you. The eye follows the form, the shape, the line….that distinguishing separation of, i don’t know…light hitting the surface of an object and rendering it as separate from another thing.

As your eye moves, focused on its path, your hand, the tip of the pen, the ink, all these parts cooperate together, taking what your eye registers through the brain or however it works, and you draw, this pure following of what you see.

My favorite part is the discrepancy in render….how you can so carefully observe and follow and yet even with great intention, the image most always comes out so wild….sometimes unrecognizable…an ear here, eye there, mouth way out over there. The recognized mass that holds all our features just cuts loose. It’s what you saw in part, but nothing like the face or object that you would recognize as a whole in daily observation.

The hand, eye, heart coordination creates…and it doesn’t matter how or what it looks like in the end…it’s about the process, the journey to rest. And that’s fascinating to me.

In creating images from reference, most notably “The Girls”, I prefer half-blind contour with improv details because, I guess, there’s a desire to render what is recognizable.  I like my drawings to be more of a suggestion than dictation of what “is”. Recognizable imagery is familiar, it’s comforting, it’s a known. Half-blind contour drawings are a coordination of hand and eye, observation, known and unknown to be at once familiar and recognizable as well as expressive and free from constraint of how a line or anything “should” be. It’s the fine line between control and chaos. Blind or Half-blind drawings don’t seek perfection in a certain sense, but instead the perfection of imperfection existing how it will.

 

Quiet Time Sentiments

Sometimes between the perils of coping with existence and managing to function as a decent human being there are quiet moments of contentment. QuietTimeSentiments are a few reflections- segments of memories, conversations, and inner monologues combined with photography.

I often feel living in a nicely decorated cave with extended periods of silence would be ideal living. The more I want to say, the more muddled in perspective, considerations, and “Truth” the narration gets….so for now, this is it. In this moment, the world is quiet, and that is nice.

 

 

The Website has some new renovations and I will be reviving “The Girls” here shortly. The pursuit of figuring “The (right) WAY” to engage with the world professionally and personally (and the whole money thing) has taken prominence over Passion. It’s important to remember…. the pursuit of Art comes first, and then you find where you belong, not the other way around.

 

Maybe, I can’t say for sure.

but, Passion first.

….it’s a fine line.

 

 

Stay Meditated

I’m grateful to announce an Honorable Mention in the For The Artists By The Artists Juried Art Competition.

Experience

Experience is everything to me. Sometimes it’s ironic because hibernating in cool clean private spaces feels most natural. However, artists can not create in a vacuum- which is good because vacuums are expensive. Here are ten of my most inspiring Art Experiences that have shaped my perspectives, appreciations, and feelings about life and art.

 

1. Janet Cardiff and George Bures Miller: The House of Books Has No Windows @ Modern Art Oxford

Watch Video Clips of Opera For A Small Room, The Killing Machine,and Dark Pool

Words can not describe what this has meant to me. Entirely encompassing sensory emotion-provoking experience. Rewatching the video clips, I would probably fall to my knees and cry if I saw Janet Cardiff and George Bures Miller’s work today.

2. Turning The Season: The Wapping Project

Jenn gets credit for taking this photo. Literally the only one I can find.

This space is a hidden treasure and I will forever be in love with it. It is a power station turned art space. The juxtaposition of industrial, beauty, and emotion.  Jewels Wright is my hero.

3. Mark Rothko: Seagrams Murals @ Tate Modern

This experience was unique because it was actually a very negative one. I had a horrible time, fumbling with my notebook, pen, the audio guide, and terribly crowded space. There were so many people doing their thing, there was not much space to take the art in. I remember a blank space on the wall in one of the rooms, as if a piece was missing, that I found very very attractive.

4. Some Trace of Her @ The National Theatre

Watch the Some Trace of Her Trailer

As if Ben Whishaw’s voice and face weren’t enough. This piece of Theatre was unlike anything I had ever experienced. The play itself was performed while also being filmed and projected on a screen to be watched simultaneously. It was beautiful, tragic, dark, and a sensory experience that had me questioning so many things while goo-gooing over the magical creature Ben Whishaw is.

 

5. Red by John Logan @ The Hangar Theatre

I’ve seen shows at The Hangar Theatre since their Kids Stuff shows were age appropriate. When Red came to their MainStage it was a dream come true. Rothko was accessible in my home town and this made me ecstatic. Maybe it was a revival of the Seagrams Mural experience (even tho Rothko at MoMA in NYC was ok) , unfortunately seeing Red was the beginning of a depressive and psychotic spiral. An experience I am still grateful for! However, I don’t spend a lot of time around Rothko things much any more.

 

6. Antony Gormley: Another Place@ Crosby Beach

Thats me! Thanks Nichelle Wheeler for taking this photo.

I left my camera at a truck stop on the way home, so all of my Liverpool pictures are gone forever. This experience at Crosby Beach is imprinted in my mind despite the photographic loss. The cast figures, still among the tides, on the expanse and vastness of the cool beach bordered by the industrial landscape of Liverpool created a calm, sadness, and acceptance I will remember forever.

7. Statuephillia @ The British Museum

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Damien Hirst

Marc Quinn

Nobel and Webster

Ron Mueck

Antony Gormley

The British Museum is huge and full of history and beauty. As an architectural space itself, it’s mind-blowing. Damien Hirst, Antony Gormley, Ron Mueck, Marc Quinn, and Noble and Webster Statues were all so different and all so powerful. These contemporary sculptures separately juxtaposed to the Museum’s permanent collection were dynamic, thought-provoking, and curious marvels.

8. Damien Hirst: Beautiful Inside My Head Forever @ Sotheby’s

2008 was a very good art experience year for me. As an artist, it was good for Damien Hirst, too. It’s funny because I don’t really remember the staple Shark, maybe it was there or maybe it wasn’t. The Golden Calf is the piece that stays with me,a naive art-hungry American girl, dressed in obviously poor-student common attire, sharing the room with a very rich looking man and his daughter  The spin-paintings were boring. The Unicorn head in a box made me sad. Some matrix-esque enclosed office spaces. The experience will definitely be beautiful inside my head forever.

9. Tracey Emin: Those Who Suffer Love @ White Cube Mason’s Yard

If I could live inside White Cube @ Mason’s Yard I would really be living my dream. This space is otherworldly. A main memory of Mason’s Yard was getting there- i got so lost and was so scared and sweaty and alone. Eventually I found it, tucked away in this little yard. I used to really like Tracey Emin. Her Autobiographical Art encouraged a wildness and vulnerability I wanted to incorporate in my life. Years later I became kind of more conservative-or repressed, who knows, and made a new connection. I was infatuated with her embroidered lines, which led me to understand my love for Egon Schiele and his expressive line.

Raqib Shaw: Absence of God @ White Cube Huxton Square

Huston Square was easier to get to, and I went with a good friend, so no panic attacks which is good, because Raqib Shaw’s work stirred up enough emotion.  Particularly the sculpture Adam. Terrifying. So terrifying I had to stare at it, in this dark dark room with a bright light shining on this sculpture. I can’t.

10. The Johnson Art Museum

The Johnson Art Museum was my first Art experience and continues to this day to provide art experiences right here in my hometown. I would bet every kid in my Kindergarten class has a memory of Alberto Giacometti’s L’Homme qui marche II (Walking Man II)(Which honestly I didn’t know the title of until I looked it up right now.) The Walking Man, was always how I knew him. Like an odd best friend. Jean Dubuffet’s Smiling Face will always be terrifying. And I will always love that random ass horse head sculpture that sits near the stairs to the upstairs gallery.

 

 

 

 

 

(*note the images are not mine. mostly taken from artist/establishment sites and internet searches)

 

 

Gratitude

I heard a man say on the radio today that the past and the future are the only things that actually exist and the present does not and I lost it. I’ve been really angry lately, a couple months maybe. I’ve been really angry at how my hopes and desires do not align with what is seemingly possible to achieve or obtain. This isn’t an entitled Millennial kind of thing, the kind where people judge about how things take time , and you have to real work hard, and blah blah blah because I have been patient and I have worked hard and the run-arounds, waiting, and compromising is getting a little much. And nodding my head, doing the things to get them done, and smiling- that ship is sailing far away.

The little spiritual voice in my head tells me, “well, right there, desire, there is your problem. suffering. this is your choice.”

fuck you kindly little spiritual voice.

What I do hold on to, is that despite feeling shitty, there are still a lot of good things. There are good things I am sincerely grateful for. Thus these Gratitude Cards were made. Just to share, that despite hellish anger, resentment, frustration, and whatever, there are many things I am indeed grateful for.  Maybe you can relate. Enjoy.