It’s been a minute. So, hey…what’s going on?
These past four years have been wicked hard for me. Blah blah yeah, I know, everyone’s got their own thing. Well, my things got real bad and then they got “better” and then got real bad again going on about a year now.
It is excellent that the mental health discourses and dialogues exist more openly and discussable-ly. I don’t like to publically talk about it much because it muddles things up more than they already are. I guess this is why we turn to professionals for “help.” Which I have, along with doing what I got to do, taking responsibility for myself, nurturing some serious self-awareness, being gentle with myself, and doing my best to communicate and actively work with the cause, effect, and the garbage in between the garbage.
For me it comes down to this….
Scientifically, depression is some messed up serotonin and dopamine trash in your brain. I don’t claim to know the specifics.
I know that proper diet…the physical action of fueling your body… with good nutrition aka food, is crucial to the literal functioning of your body and brain.
I know that moving your body around whether its exercise or some active activity promotes physical well-being and has a huge impact of a persons emotional regulation.
I know that sleep is necessary to repair the body and mind after a day of exerting effort and human functioning.
Doing these things, chances are the chronic sadness and exhausting anxieties can be managed. Key word….doing- The action that the chronic sads and anxieties sort of hinder.
So I go to professionals and we articulate this concept back and forth to each other until we are blue in the face. And if I say I UNDERSTAND and intellectually grasp it and still need HELP physically carrying out the actions…besides guinea pigging it with medications… Why can’t anyone help me? Or maybe you too if you have the same problem…to create new habits of healthy existing manageability
This is my opinion:
- The world is massively overpopulated, diverse, and I am not special. I mean this with the healthiest portion of self-deprecation. Everyone and where is limited by “resource” availability and the sheer volume, intricacies, and needs of people and specifics passing through- it’s impossible to really be seen and heard with the time and attention the uniqueness and complexity a whole human existence requires among the chaos and intensity of dysfunction. Especially among that dysfunction of a diversion-fueled dysfunctional world. So listen to yourself, no one else has any obligation to you. (except your therapist…because its their job (then re-read the beginning of this section and continue this cycle)
Which leads to 2…
- The world is unbelievably dysfunctional. Which im sure you are already aware. (Unless of course that is fake news or an alternative fact I just spewed. *eye roll. ) On top of painful political, cultural and societal issues, In the simplest thing as fueling your body…the sheer overwhelming bullshit to acquire the right food is maddening. You really have to do some research to choose genuinely good food and its mad that different experts will have different, even contradictory information. This is why, fundamentally, fruits and veggies, farmers markets, and buying local is real good. Alas, if you are part of the millions of people sharing this cognitive dissonance where you still find yourself in the mass market stores grabbing shit because it’s convenient and affordable and you have some weird psychological attachment to it when you are short of time and energy then perhaps you understand the plight. Not only is garbage convenient and affordable, its addictive. Marketed and manufactured to keep you craving, even if you try to be rational about it. In my personal journey, Specialists have told me “everything in moderation”…..right. Because the world is a very moderate place. If I could just get “clean” of the excess first………….i’m talking about sugar….the excess that is literally everywhere in everything. Sugar…the serotonin and dopamine fuelers for most conveniently numbing the bullshit. Plus not to mention all the other addictive or harmful substances and the crap industry shit we don’t know about, don’t care about, choose to willfully ignore, or somehow actually manage to deal with. I’m talking about the health, humane, and environmental affects of the agricultural industry….eating meat and consuming animal products. Oh just shut up who cares. I care. Then why don’t I just live better? Why is it hard? Why does it never stick? Why is the garbage lifestyle literally in every direction I turn designed to manipulate my senses into desiring it? Why am I bombarded with contradictory information or unobtainable versions of endless things? What is this cycle? WHY? HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP? …well how else would all the people in the overpopulated world be fed and exist without it all? Good ol consumer mass.
Ok, I think that’s enough. Between points 1 and 2, human empathy, consciousness, and consumer choices …or the illusions of….that’s enough
Toss in religion, spirituality, and existential crisises….
….and the bottom dollar of existing……..money…
that’s enough. That’s enough to illustrate some roots of chronic sadness and anxiety that symptom treating band-aid professional help is helpless too. And after years of trying to fix some shit…here I am now.
This Fine Line; The Blog 